Gauze and Honey

Anxiety so bad my chest hurts
It hurts to breathe
I almost forget to breathe
Breathe
I lay in my bed struggling for breath
As though I’m inhaling through gauze and through honey
Only not honey; that’s something sweet
Although I suppose sweet things can kill you too
My heart sounding both distant and loud
Alternating between thundering and muffled
And insistence and ending
Anxiety over almost everything in my life
A loneliness that finds no permanent relief
And instead time after time
Finds more pain and more hurt in another
Mirroring and amplifying
My deep dark dwelling place
The tears fall
Unbidden
Surprising me when they roll out of my eyes
Across the bridge of my nose
To my ear
Welling there, tickling
Only no laughter comes
More tears
More anxiety
More pain
I wonder if I stop breathing
Would the pain go away

(August 2016)

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